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Re-educating the BDSM world – Interview with Lily Dupont

So it came to pass that, with one of the worst James Bond themes looping in my head, I accepted an invitation to visit Golden Whip, a curious place in Milan advertised as a – ahem – very well-equipped BDSM-themed photo studio. Surprise: it really is pretty stocked up with kinky furniture and tools… but I found it actually set up as a permanent set, featuring everything you may need to shoot somewhat different pictures than the sad Tinder selfies stuffing pervy social networks profiles.

The idea of offering such an environment is original and might thrill whole armies of photographers, models and more or less professional enthusiasts, who typically have a really hard time realizing decent fetish shoots without investing an arm and a leg in materials they then use only once or twice at best. What tickled my curiosity however was the opportunity to ask a few questions to the owner.
Just like the enterprise itself suggests, Lily Dupont is an uncommon kind of dominatrix, whose ideas about the world of kink go rather beyond the artless greed of so many self-styled mistresses. So we chose a couch between the studio lights and the fucking machines, and we talked while enjoying an ice-cold soda served by a hooded slave…

 

Let’s start with your introduction. Can you tell us who you are and how this project came to be?

I am called Lily Dupont, and I am a professional dominatrix. To me, this means getting to know the persons who contact me and understanding their needs and possible sexual issues, so as to transform them into a pleasurable transgression. It isn’t easy to study and stimulate these hidden sides of one’s personality: even if those who seek me know they want to satisfy their deepest identities, not everyone can voice their most secret desires – just as not everyone can turn them into reality without leaving traumas. In a pinch, I made domination my true job, without limiting it to merely showing skin or brandishing a whip.

Golden Whip is the same approach applied to a physical space. Instead of limiting it to a simple themed room like most dungeons are, I set it up very carefully to second both my personal needs and the possible desires and fantasies of the people who are going to use it. Therefore you can find refined and sometimes custom-made instruments and furniture, different areas for different themes like fetish, pure BDSM, clinical, feminization and so on, and of course everything you need for photo and video shooting.
Another feature I cherish is how it is open to everyone, casting off that pointless competitive approach that is so common among dominatrixes: I want it to be a welcoming “fairground”, but also a meeting place for kink culture in general.

What do you mean?

I mean it as a space available also to anyone wishing to organize courses, workshops and so on. As you know well as the organizer of the Sadistique workshops, the world of extreme eroticism is full of excellent people who can and want to teach what they learned about the various practices and play phylosophies… but who unfortunately have very few opportunities to do that just because of the lack of appropriate places!

Golden Whip Studio

Am I mistaken, or did I sense a tad of irritation when you earlier talked about the quality of professional domination?

I wouldn’t want to speak ill of anyone, but besides what I personally saw, I heard so many experiences by people who met incompetent “mistresses”… Fact is, out there prowl so many individuals who have nothing to do with real prodommes: they pose no special problem to those who approach this job seriously, but they do to those who visit them and meet a wrong concept of domination, polluting the whole kinky world. I will just point out that a professional offers extreme eroticism, not sex: we know that, true submissives know it… and yet the confusion remains. And don’t get me talking about how so many ladies are practicing without any knowledge of what they are doing, completely ignoring the safe, sane and consensual principle!

Here I go back to the Golden Whip concept: the prodomming community is suffering from serious issues that can only be overcome through communication and sharing of one’s positive and negative experiences. Abroad, this business is fully legal and fiscalized, while Italy left it totally unregulated, without those studios that are run like proper companies ensuring safety and training for everyone involved. We can’t do such a thing yet, but I took at least inspiration from that approach to managing dungeons. In the physical world I build a safe, comfortable and fully-featured environment fit for any need; online I set up a prodommes-only chat instead, where we can exchange experiences, suggestions and much more.
Although it is just starting out, the difference was immediately clear between the serious professionals who understand the advantages of such approach and can afford using it, and those fly-by-night girls who inhabit a separate universe based on hurry and «little, cursed and now». I pity them, because by doing that they only see the worst part of this world, and they will never get in touch with their own most sensitive part, who thrives on all-important BDSM culture. The goal can’t be merely avoiding a call-center job: you must aim to the art of creating high-level domination and submission relationships between naked minds.

So practically nobody is saved, after all.

Some among the dominatrixes, sure, I told you. It is a paradox how there are much fewer innocents among the clients instead. I saw this aspect stressed in Master Giacon’s interview too, but frankly it is very clear to anyone frequenting the BDSM world: there is a scary quantity of people with a very troubled relationship with their own sexuality. In order to avoid working on their issues, they compulsively go to the first girl they can find just “to scratch the itch”, reducing it all to a commercial transaction. The problem is two-sided: on the one hand they objectify the dominant figure, and on the other they don’t enjoy the whole dimension of playing with their partners, and the personal and relational growth that comes with cultivating erotic awareness. Clearly I’m the first not to accuse prodommes, but it should be cleared that our role was born to offer a premium service – kind of like starred restaurants – that most people unfortunately conceive of as fast food, on both the ends of the leash. The foundation of it all should remain instead “cooking at home”.

Lily Dupont

And how can we get out of this shortcircuit, in your opinion?

My approach is to value those who love the kink scene as I do, who are part of it and walk it seriously and respectfully. It is true that there are lots of people with a squalid approach, but there also is a minority who takes courses, gets informed, who like you bring that information out, who put their experience at the service of newcomers to a galaxy full of charm but also objectively complex. To give a good example feels like the least I could do, so I am the first to do it by opening my “home”.
Golden Whip is no hiding place, but somewhere to share with the people you love.

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