I know that, just by reading the above title, you have already remembered six or seven stories about the alleged medical and nutritional values of sperm. It’s good for your skin, it reduces hunger when you are on a diet, it’s got as much proteins as an egg white, more vitamin C than an orange… the list goes on. And it’s bunk.

The problem lies in the high unreliability of official research (and in the limitless fantasy of teenage boyfriends), as shown by one study to create fake semen to be used to test condoms and other medical products. When the researcher leafed through fifty years of previous studies, they found widely different figures for everything from the chemical composition to the physical properties.

While you can find hundreds of “official” tables on the topic online, the only reasonable method to get a straight answer is then to do just what those researchers did: find the average values. Which you can see listed for the first time outside of a scientific paper in the picture on the left.
First of all: sperm is almost completely calorie-free, just like a diet Coke. However it is also a rather poor food supplement in most areas – except zinc, which is supposed to be an antioxidant especially useful to prevent skin and muscle aging. Don’t get any naughty idea, though. Unless your partner is strictly vegan, a normal diet contains more than enough zinc already – and one dark chocolate praline is the equivalent of a blow job in that respect anyway. Don’t worry, however… not many people read this sort of posts and I promise I won’t tell.