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BDSM – A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism – The Kayla Lords review

This review was originally published on Kayla Lords’ website.

 

I owe Ayzad, the author of BDSM — A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism a massive apology. He sent me a review copy of his book back in 2016, and I’ve only now read it. I have zero excuses other than the typical ones of a busy life and constantly shifting priorities.

Want the tl;dr version of what I’m about to write?

If you’re new to BDSM, buy this book. And if you’ve been doing it for a while but know there are things you don’t know, buy this book. 

For everyone else who needs a bit more before you’re willing to buy, here we go.

About BDSM — A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism

Ayzad's BDSM book coverThe most complete book on BDSM: over 550 pages, featuring 150 original photos and a foreword by Dr. Mark Griffiths.

Drawing on almost 30 years of personal experience and research, Ayzad, the leading Italian expert on kink presents a guide to every aspect of BDSM (acronym of Bondage, Domination / Discipline, Submission / Sadism, Masochism). From its history to psychological theories; the social and legal implications; strategies on finding the ideal partner and how to choose and buy the best instruments for your games; kinky communities, events and professional dominatrixes. And of course hundreds of erotic practices, clearly described and explained with a focus on safety.

A long-time best seller also widely adopted as a sexology textbook in its original edition, ‘BDSM – A guide for explorers of extreme eroticism’ opens the door to a world where every gesture and moment creates an opportunity for extraordinarily sensuous experiences.

My Take on BDSM — A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism

I take BDSM “guides” with a grain of salt. Not because they aren’t good. I’ve read many that are. But because it’s impossible to encompass the full spectrum of BDSM into a single book. Ayzad’s 550+ page book comes as close as I’ve seen.

What I like about this book is that it’s smart, scholarly, historically accurate, and still very open and accepting of the spectrum of BDSM. Ayzad wrote this expecting the people who read it to be intelligent. Not one word is dumbed down, and yet it’s also very approachable and relatable. Which makes sense when you realize his book has been used as a textbook.

The first few chapters talk about what BDSM is, where it came from, and how it’s been thought of in the past. When you know the history, it’s easier to see how far we’ve come. He’s also realistic about legal issues surrounding BDSM and the risks we take when we engage in our kinky fun.

Where I could either dive down into or skip through, based on my interest, were the chapters on specific forms of kinky play. His chapter on fetish and fetishism was fascinating because it took a more technical approach than I’ve read in the past. Usually we talk about fetish in broad terms, but Ayzad broke it down into something with it’s own clear identity.

In each chapter on BDSM practices, he goes further in depth than any book I’ve seen yet. He not only gives you a wide variety of options of how to play, he tells you how to be safe. And, in many cases, shows diagrams, especially in the bondage sections. I’m not ashamed to admit that the chapter Spanking to Whipping was my personal favorite. His explanation of spanking was extremely thorough. There was no expectation that everyone reading it would just “know” how to give a spanking. I like that.

Like any good book on BDSM, he does talk about how to meet someone and how to move about the local scene — in general terms, of course. His local scene and your local scene will be different. And at the end, he has a section on movies about BDSM (not porn) you can watch. Believe me, it’s more than Story of OSecretary, and Fifty Shades.

Should You Buy It?

Beginners who like to know the details about the how and the why of BDSM will want to take a look. But this isn’t just for the newbies. I have no doubt that once John Brownstone begins scrolling through the chapters on different kinky fuckery, he’ll learn something new, too. And if you’re the type of person who wants to better understand this kinky thing we do, it’s worth a read. Yes, I didn’t have to read what I felt I already knew about, but there were nuggets of info packed everywhere. It’s one of those rare books that’s good for beginners and experienced kinksters alike.

About Ayzad

From Ayzad.com: “I was born in 1969. I am a reformed journalist, a writer and an alternative sexuality educator. I have been practicing BDSM for 30 years now and Ayzad is the pseudonym under which in 2004 I wrote BDSM – A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism, where I collected everything I had learned from my studies of a really endless topic. That manual became a best seller starting collaborations with sexologists and scholars who drew me to extend my research to every form of unusual sexuality.” Read full bio.

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