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The art of (good) BDSM

The art of (good) BDSM

I have been recently asked – for the millionth time – what BDSM is. So I repeated the answer I reached after decades of study and practice: «extreme eroticism is the art of making yourself vulnerable». It sounds good, it’s elegant and it is even true. But maybe it is...

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Let’s ditch aftercare already (as it is commonly done)

Let’s ditch aftercare already (as it is commonly done)

In a comment on my Facebook page, I was scolded by a reader who remarked how I never really write about aftercare in BDSM. She was right: I don’t – but for a very sensible reason. But before discussing that, let’s get everybody on the same page with a quick...

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The BDSM party dress code

The BDSM party dress code

This coming Sunday sees another appointment with Sadistique, the BDSM party I organize each month in Milano. Looking at the calendar I noticed that this will be the 120th edition, yet just like for the very first one I am already receiving desperate messages from...

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Safewords: are you sure you know all about them?

Safewords: are you sure you know all about them?

Some time ago Radaaria (the webmistress of the Italian BDSM website Legami) and I talked about the confusion reigning over even basic subjects like safewords. In the end, in the commendable spirit of  «if you don’t like something, instead of complaining you should...

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The biggest problem in BDSM? The BDSM Scene.

The biggest problem in BDSM? The BDSM Scene.

As it happens with every single form of sexuality, the reality of BDSM suffers from several problems you’ll never see in its most common depictions, which is to say pornography. Is it the moralists’ hatred? The uncertain legal status? The forbidding prices of many...

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