Step into any – real or virtual – place where BDSM is discussed, and you can safely bet that in a matter of hours someone will start again on a subject I’ve been seeing people fret about for thirty years at the least: «why it is so difficult to find a dominatrix who isn’t into it for the money?»
If you want to build your own opinion you are welcome to lose yourself in the maelstrom of guessworks, arguments, absolute certainties, laments, accusations, pseudo-sociological analysis and rants you will find in those places; I promise it will be a fascinating anthropological experience. Or, if you trust me, I can tell you the conclusions I reached after half a life immersed in the world of extreme eroticism to observe it. Just don’t expect them to be politically correct, ok?
Briefly put, what I came to is the following:
- Those who can’t find a “not mercenary” mistress, to use a frequent idiom, usually are not seeking a play partner, but a facilitator to use like a toy to realize their fantasies
- Given the squalor of most approaches, even the ladies most passionate about BDSM end up thinking «not if you paid me!», which in the long run turns into «well, if you do pay me…» for some of them
- Professional domination is portrayed by the media as an idealized industry, refined and full of millionaires, whose operators are very wealthy and leading fairytale-like lives. The reality – especially in countries like Italy – is definitely different, yet an unwholesome number of work-intolerant young women get tricked by the mirage of being able to enjoy all the advantages of high-class prostitution without no apparent downside
- There is a vast range of backstage characters living – some of them better than others – on the misplaced aspirations of the above-mentioned ladies, profiting from them until the exhausted girls just give up and go back to a “normal” lifestyle. In the meanwhile, however, they cultivate the successful dominatrix myth, both to grow their male clientele and to attract new naive “mistresses” frustrated by their daily routines
- This rueful industry represents an ideal beacon for an unfortunately large army of men who live their sexuality in a very problematic way, bordering with pathology. Pity that, even due to the incompetence of most dominatrixes, said industry isn’t offering true solace, but a temporary outlet at best – sometimes even seriously growing the clients’ distress
- Of course, there also are truly serious, expert, safe, fabulous, etc. prodommes (lit. ‘professional dominatrix’). Here in Italy, I know all four of them. So it is one or the other: either I am ill-informed, or very much so. Take your pick.
- While the coin-operated mistresses ecosystem is small but very visible, there is a whole world of enthusiasts of every gender who keeps well away from that environment and nurtures their love for erotic female domination games in private. These people would love to meet and share their passion with others like them, but they cannot find any place free of those commercial supply and demand dynamics seen above
Let me repeat for those already sharpening their pitchforks and polishing their righteousness: I have absolutely nothing against sex workers. When they are aware, conscientious and free they do a hard job bearing a certain social value. However, I despise the half-bakedness and hypocrisy of almost all professional domination, that at the end of the day is damaging the clients as much as the mistresses – and that ended up embodying the norm for femdom (meaning ‘female domination’) even if it actually is just its relatively small commercial portion.
But why am I telling you all of this? Fact is, after having refused for years the proposals of odd characters who wanted to stick my name to slapdash prodomming initiatives, the scene has finally changed. The Milan venue that already hosts my Sadistique party wanted to create a somewhat different event for dominant women. Most work was already there, but they asked for my consultancy too… and I am pretty happy with the result.
The new party is called Freedomina, will run every third Sunday of the month, and is meant precisely for those people fed up with the indiscriminate commodification of what is supposed to be just a fine way of playing among passionate people. If you visit its website, you will notice a few peculiarities:
- The event opens one hour earlier for women only, to offer exclusive meetings with activists, professionals, scholars and of course other dominatrixes who share their ideas about living a more active and aware idea of femaleness;
- Everything is based on mutual respect. So there is no place for clients demanding “performances”, nor for fanatics convinced of the alleged superiority of a gender over the other: power exchange games are much more fun when played between people who like each other and explore their erotic fantasies for the satisfaction of both;
- In addition to the excellent BDSM furniture of the club, there is a mini-shop where you can buy kinky toys accurately selected for their quality and fun factor, and at definitely more reasonable prices than average;
- There is no strict dress code… but there is a photo set available to have your portrait taken in your best outfit (yes, even if you are a submissive), and possibly win the title of Domina of the Month
In other words, the idea was to create a place and an occasion for people sincerely into femdom to meet in a serene context, ideal for meeting new friends in total safety. For me this is a further small contribution to that smart sex culture I have been promoting for so long; for you, I hope it will become one more opportunity to better enjoy life, without needless complications.
The first date is February 16th. Let me know how did you like it, ok?