Crunch time can hit in the most inappropriate occasions, and this is one of them. I am under looming deadlines for so many extra-complex projects right now that I just don’t have the time to write the in-depth articles queuing up in my to-do list… nor a full report from the Xplore festival I have just returned from. In fact, the best I can muster for the moment is sharing with you three random notes taken during my time there: think of them as conversation – or meditation – starters for sexual explorers…
Cannibal play – Someone used this definition to indicate the attitude of those people whose sole goal is to experience a certain form of erotic play, irrespective of who will provide it. Their feverish drive doesn’t just come off as demeaning of their partners, but it also also feels like a well sucking up all their energy without providing anything emotionally worthwhile in exchange for that. His admirable solution was to make a point of never playing without having established a solid rapport beforehand, even when he was dying for it himself. I was surprised to notice how such a commonsense, self-respecting approach sounds revolutionary in the current climate of the kink scene.
Patriarchy as a stage play – While casually discussing feminist theory after dinner, a clever man described patriarchy as a stage play in which some characters have way too many lines and some are almost always silent… but nobody actually likes the script very much anyway. Therefore, maybe the trick is stop trying to tweak the show and just put on a whole different play altogether.
The natural trajectory of kinks – Examining each other’s kinks brought to light how every erotic fantasy stems from a deep need to react to outside stimuli. Once the fantasy is realized or the context change, that need generally fades as it is replaced by satisfaction and serenity. Lots of relationships between kinksters however are founded on shared erotic desires, so when the obsession for a certain practice diminishes, the relation itself fizzles out. Someone joked that the ultimate deviance is to accept we’ll all settle into vanilla sexuality, but that would possibly be a bit limiting. I feel it is much better instead to learn to play and explore kinks for the sheer fun of it and the enrichment they bring, as opposed to let us be defined by them as it often happens.
Re-reading the notes now, I notice their common theme: the need to remind ourselves to cherish and nurture the human being under all the labels which define our personas, no matter how exciting or inevitable they feel. Not a terribly original insight, maybe, but an important one nonetheless that I am glad to have encountered in the nicest possible way. I promise I’ll try do my best not to keep it in mind as I continue to write about alternative sexualities, ok?