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Chastity play – The complete guide to having fun without pleasure

A long time ago, when this website still was a little creepy-black HTML monster, its most-read article was a sponsored post about male chastity – or anti-erection devices to be precise. I deleted it more than a decade past and I actually had forgotten about its improbable success until the Pandemic hit, and I started noticing a marked spike in denial-related kink and porn.
I guess it is therefore time to re-examine the subject with an in-depth job, collecting everything you may ever want to know about such a counter-intuitive pleasure. How can getting one’s genitals under lock and key be actually fun?


The appeal of denial

Enforced chastity as an erotic game has always been around, but its appeal tends to peak in anxiety-ridden times. Like, say, when an out-of-control plague is destroying entire countries and economies, but you see that as a welcome distraction from the unrecoverably fucked-up climate change, racial tensions bordering on civil war, the death of sensible politics, omnipresent hatemongering social networks and 24/7 Teletubbies reruns. As countless mystics maintained throughout history, removing genital stimulation from your life can have a surprisingly grounding – if not even calming – effect.

First of all, if you are prevented from using your penis, all sexual performance anxiety just disappears. The social stereotypes imposed on practically every male (we’ll talk about females later) don’t apply anymore: you don’t have to rise up to stud-like expectations as an always-on sex machine; nobody cares about your erection times, strength nor size; intercourse frequency becomes a non-issue. You are just not supposed to spend any energy into a whole area of your identity and self-image that lots of men experience more as a worry than as a pleasure. If you think I am exaggerating here, just think of the immeasurable success of the “erectile dysfunction” drugs market and of all those damned ‘enlarge your penis’ ads – I am not, trust me.
Anyway, a rather big albeit rarely conscious point of interest in this practice basically boils down to: you can finally relax, and put whatever stamina you have left into other, more pleasant aspects of your relationship.

Chief among them is actual arousal. This may sound odd, but many enthusiasts report that when you take expectations out of the equation, you are free to enjoy your sex drive as a gift instead of a burden; you actually savor it – especially because there is no alternative.
For almost everyone, this peculiar situation inevitably also reminds them of the unending frustration they felt as teenagers, when their desire for a partner was at its peak yet generally unreciprocated. That was uncomfortable, sure, but also the engine of an incredibly powerful yearning that fueled elaborate sex fantasies, and the motivator for presenting themselves at their best. The mere mental association with such a youthful and usually happy time is enough to make guys feel in their prime again, and behave accordingly.
Clearly, the building of unreleased sex drive additionally makes arousal more frequent and intense, in a growing feedback loop offering interesting side effects for both partners.

A relationship where someone else literally holds the key to your orgasms definitely is a domination and submission game – call it BDSM, if you will. And do you know what the main problem with these arrangements is? Well, after finding the right partner, I mean. Well, according to my coaching experience, that would simply be letting go, yielding control to another person and actually submit.
Now think of every romantic fairytale you’ve ever seen, and of all the suffering their protagonists are willing to undergo just to conquer their True Love™, or of the much baser Italian saying that goes «One single pussy hair can pull more weight uphill than an ox cart downward». Both are based on the mere observation that abstinence, indeed, makes people far more willing to accept any suffering in the hope of earning their happy ending. Or, as kinksters say, to be more submissive; making the whole game infinitely easier and more thrilling.

Not only that: if you like some humiliation with your BDSM, to be inescapably emasculated by a chastity device opens the door to countless games where the slave can feel ousted by even the cheapest dildo – or human lover, in case your kink leans towards cuckolding too.


But what about female chastity?

There is a reason why this article is focused on male chastity games. While female chastity belts do exist and certain people surely enjoy teasing and denial scenarios based on such mechanical devices… they don’t work that good. In fact they don’t at all, since genital pleasure for women relies much less on external stimulation than for the other gender. In other words, it has been repeatedly proven how ladies can rather easily climax just by careful muscle contractions – and maybe the slightest rubbing – even when wearing highly engineered steel panties. Which, on the other hand, pose a number of nasty hygiene problems making those “belts” more a cool prop than anything practical.

The psychological dynamics of enforced chastity for female submissives remain pretty similar, of course. The physical effects, however, are a whole different story. Let’s see how.

This is a chastity device

The dangers of chastity

So let’s say your kinky partner locked your family jewels in one of the dozens of different chastity devices available on the market – which, by the way, we’ll examine later. It probably felt pretty strange and uncomfortable in the beginning, then oddly curious, then definitely arousing. That improbable sex toy actually spiced up your quality time a great deal, so you are now wearing it for longer periods of teasing and denial. So far, so good. Until one day you stumble on whole websites devoted to the damage those devices can inflict, from skin rashes to impotence, shrinking, cancer… Are you really risking your life for an erotic game?

The honest answer is that… nobody can tell, because of course there is no serious research on the subject. All information is largely anecdotal and often coming from the opinions of online “experts” and “lifestylers” who generally have no actual clue besides their fantasies. However, there are a few certainties.

Blue balls
No, they don’t actually turn that color – but repeatedly denied ejaculation (“edging”) can indeed make you feel blue, due to what is technically known as epididymal hypertension. That’s doctorspeak for «the upper part of the testicles got engorged with blood as it normally happens during arousal, but since there was no orgasm they are still somewhat compressed. So you ache». It is nothing serious: some masochists may even see it as a bonus (and some sadists may increase the discomfort just by frequent teasing to prolong it indefinitely), and it immediately goes away when you ejaculate anyway.

Those wet dreams you may have had as a teen were simply the release of the excess sperm and prespermatic fluid produced by your body. The quantity may decrease with age, but if you aren’t allowed to reach climax for a few days the principle remains the same: part of that stuff gets reabsorbed by the organism, but the rest must be expelled somehow. Wet spots are a side effect of prolonged chastity play, and pose no worry at all.

The jury is still out on the topic, but medical science leans on the side of caution, and warns that the lack of a normal sexual activity (read: regular ejaculations) carries a risk of reduced fertility.

Prostate cancer
Yes, there was a reasonably good study that found that almost-daily orgasms decrease the risk for some types of prostate cancer by about 20%. No, it wasn’t conclusive, and most doctors agree that there probably is no real correlation. On the other hand, fewer ejaculations may contribute to prostate enlargement and inflammation. Which is why many “good Samaritan”-type dominants resort to milking their subs.
The term refers to vigorously massaging their prostate via anal penetration to mechanically induce fluids expulsion – problem solved, although the manoeuver can (and often is) done in such a way to make the “orgasm” totally pleasureless and possibly downright painful. But hey, if you were in for a long run, you probably already knew your partner was a sadist, didn’t you?

In fact, it is important to clarify how all effects depend on how long you keep the game going. One night or a couple of days won’t affect you at all, but some people stay in chastity for months or even years at a stretch, and that will cause some real issues.

Loss of erectile strength
This is a really rough model, but think of the penis as a garden hose: the more you bend it, the more difficult it is for the water to flow and fill it. The same goes for the tissues and vessels inside your dick that become engorged with blood during erections: keep them constrained too long – and we’re talking months here – and they will gradually lose their stretching ability, making erections less firm until they are gone. The effect mostly reverses with time and use, but… forewarned is forearmed.

By the same principle, a really extended time restrained in a chastity device may make the penis a bit shorter and thinner. Forget those dramatic “before and after” photos you have seen online: in the real world, the worst that may happen is a 10% decrease, again temporary. I guess you don’t want it to be a surprise, though.

Practical concerns
Enforced denial erotic games can be entirely psychological, but that is a rare exception. Most of the time, they are centered on using physical chastity devices: only a few of them resemble the classic “chastity belt” of Medieval lore – which, by the way, research found to be mostly a historical fabrication from many centuries later. Real chastity tools are smaller, more efficient and definitely much more practical.

Wearing something rigid around your genitals for a long time raises however a number of practical issues requiring a whole separate in-depth section.

Chastity devices

Practical denial 101

One unfounded common fear is about embarrassing situations happening in social contexts. The truth is that most chastity tools are small and sensibly designed enough that they can be worn under common clothes (well, maybe not too tight, huh?) without anyone noticing. I never heard of a security detector buzzing even for metal devices, but there are stories of airport staff knowingly winking at a passenger wearing his cock cage while boarding a flight. The matter is clearly private enough that nobody wants to make a scene about that – yet I’d suggest taking your toy off just for the occasion. That feels simply polite.

The obvious actual first concern with a chastity device is… not to get stuck into one. That’s why sensible kinksters don’t use metal locks (much less the cheap models often provided with these toys) but plastic safety padlocks. They are single-use tamper-proof numbered items that require no key and that can only be unlocked by snapping them open. That comes handy in the case of an emergency while preventing interferences – which would be ridiculous anyway, since BDSM is a collaboration game, whose point is not cheating your way out.

Second on the list is common hygiene, since having a normally sweaty body part confined into a rigid prison might have imaginable consequences, especially if the game is prolonged for days or even months at a stretch. That’s why most models are designed with as much ventilation as possible, looking sorta like cages made of hypoallergenic materials like plastic or surgical steel.
Those who wear them maintain that they can wash rather easily, maybe just spending a little more time drying the tightest spots with a q-tip or similar means.

Talking about which, chafing is yet another issue to consider. Some enthusiasts recommend applying a few drops of silicone-based lube to avoid having the skin stick and rub onto one specific spot of the device, while others say that you just ought to choose a toy fitting your intimate measurements. Which is easier said than done, since these cages are meant to be confining – if not downright punishing – in the first place.


Chastity devices

Now. After so much theory, it is time to examine the devices in question. While you can easily find hundreds of different designs on the market, they can be basically divided into two categories.

They are composed of three main elements: one ring that is worn at the base of the genitals behind the scrotum; a small spacer placed above the shaft; and the cage itself, holding the penis. What keeps it all in place is the scrotum, that remains free but unable to slip through the small gap between the ring and the cage.

The difference between the various models boils down to the material, size and shape of each element. Up to a few years ago, the general consensus was for the best-selling CB-6000 to also be the ideal design, but the growing popularity of kinky chastity games gave rise to an astounding number of variations. Everyone can find their perfect combination of length, curve, diameter, color and additional components.
In fact, while most models simply focus on preventing erection and masturbation, some hardcore players up the ante with electrostimulation pads, urethral inserts, customizable parts or painful spikes. Of course, additional care and competence are required when choosing and using such equipment.

Kali teeth bracelet

Kali bracelets
Talking about spikes, the second category uses a much sterner approach against unwarranted sexual activity. So-called ‘Kali teeth bracelets’ are hinged metal rings that are snugly worn around the penis, featuring internal spikes that feel tolerable when flaccid but excruciating in case of erection. Sliding them off without unlocking the device is inadvisable due to the scratches that would cause, and they patently are a kind of toy best reserved for really serious kinksters. Specifically, it is worth noting that applying the sort of localized intense pressure of a spike on the penis’ dorsal nerve (running lengthwise in the dead center of its upper side) can, in the long run, lessen both sensitivity and erectile intensity even permanently.


And that, believe it or not, was just a primer on one of the oddest yet popular sex variations. Pleasure can really take many fascinating forms and, as we have seen, just a little curiosity can open a window onto unexpectedly complex worlds. You will find countless other unusual sex practices described in the article archives and in these books – however, you are welcome to suggest what erotic games to examine next simply by writing to me.

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A 1999 survey of college students in the USA revealed that their definition of ‘sexual abstinence’ applies to:
– French kissing (98% of the students);
– Anal penetration (81%);
– Masturbation (61%);
– Oral sex (60%);
– Vaginal penetration (0.5%).



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Interesting, huh?

Interesting, huh?

I'm glad you like this article. This website contains many more - as well as books, podcasts and videos, helpful for enjoying unusual sexualities in a more conscious, ethical and fun way.


However, if you are struggling in this area right now, remember that as a coach I can help you achieve the happiness you deserve. My experience is at your service to work out together the most effective way to overcome any difficulty.

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